ONE GOLFING WIFE and husband had this to say about why their marriage had lasted 50 years: “We never play golf together.”
It turns out that early in their marriage, the husband, an accomplished player, suggested he accompany the less expert wife for a leisurely afternoon nine at the club. How nice, she thought. Then she saw that he was playing with only one club, his putter. And as the wife hit driver off the tee, 3-wood in the fairway, and iron or wedge into the green, the husband simply putted along by her side, attempting to match each shot with his putter — often succeeding.
“I probably shouldn’t have done that,” he said years later.
She never played golf with him again.
Surely that wasn’t the husband’s intention, was it? If so, that sets a mighty creative precedent for men looking for ways to make sure their wives never play golf with them. Guys, it really doesn’t have to be that complicated.
HERE ARE SEVEN EVERYDAY STRATEGIES FOR MEN WHO DO NOT WANT TO BE BOTHERED BY THEIR WOMEN ON THE GOLF COURSE.
- If you play a longer tee, when playing golf with a woman always tee off first and then be sure to drive right by whichever tees she is playing. Don’t stop until she objects, then sigh heavily and put the cart in reverse.
- Flag down the cart girl whenever she comes by and chat her up, preferably when your wife is on the tee.
- Tell your wife to put sunscreen on so she doesn’t get any more wrinkles.
- Notice she always wears long shorts, so give her a short skort.
- Whenever you are playing golf with a woman and you arrive at a restroom on the course, drive right by and urinate on the next bush or tree you find.
- When playing golf with a woman, never, ever tell her, “Nice shot.”
- And if all else fails, just pretend she’s not there. Pretty soon, she won’t be!
More ideas welcome, GottaGoGolfers.