What animal is that? The 5 most stupid golf rules (and how we’d fix them)

It’s a groundhog, silly! (Photo by Pixabay)

GOLF INSIDERS like to say it’s easy to learn the rules because there are only 34 of them. Ha. There are 34 golf rules, but each rule has decimal points and little sub-rules designated by numbers and other sub-rules designated by lower-case letters. The Rules of Golf book does not have 34 pages, it has 215.

Then there is a whole other book, Decisions on the Rules of Golf, to help us understand and apply the Rules of Golf. That other book has more than 700 pages.

GottaGoGolf loves the rules, generally. They make the game fair, and they seem to think of everything that could happen on a golf course. They can even help you score better.

But then there are the clunkers. Here are five stupid golf rules we think need to be changed immediately so that more women fall in love with the game.

STUPID GOLF RULE 18: BALL AT REST MOVED

This rule tells us that if you are standing over your ball ready to putt and the ball moves, it’s all your fault unless there was clearly some other reason it moved. So if a coyote didn’t nudge it, a big gust of wind didn’t blow it and an earthquake didn’t rock it, you’ve got a one-stroke penalty and must put it back in the same unstable spot and go through all of this again.

A better idea: It’s not your fault unless you clearly did something to make the ball move. No penalty and play the ball from the new position.

EDITOR’S NOTE: This rule has indeed been changed for 2016.  According to the USGA, “Rule 18-2b (Ball Moving after Address) has been withdrawn. This means that if a ball at rest moves after the player addresses it, the player is no longer automatically deemed to have caused the ball to move. A one-stroke penalty under Rule 18-2 will be applied only when the facts show that the player has caused the ball to move.” This last sentence, however, preserved the stupidity of the original rule and created an absurd situation for Dustin Johnson in the 2016 U.S. Open.

STUPID GOLF RULE 20-3: PLACING AND REPLACING

You’re on the putting green and you’ve just marked your ball properly with your big sparkly marker, and your opponent asks you to please span your marker to the left. Yes, you have the option to go ahead and putt, but you’d rather see the line of her putt first. So you use your putter head and carefully move the ball left.

Your opponent misses her putt and you step right up and drain yours.

But oops, you forgot to put the ball back on its original spot. You’ve lost the hole in match play, or, you’ve got a two-stroke penalty in stroke play and must re-do your putt, all because you’ve done something your opponent asked you to do.

A better idea: The player who asked you to move your marker and does not remind you to replace it loses the hole or incurs the penalty.

Interesting use of flagstick: Pink panties tied to the top.

STUPID GOLF RULE 17-3: BALL STRIKING FLAGSTICK OR ATTENDANT

The flagstick, that pole with the flag on top that sits in the middle of the tiny hole at the end of your 540-yard journey to the putting green, has its own entire rule (No. 17). There are sub-rules on who can remove the flagstick, and on when and how to do so. Sometimes it must be removed, sometimes it may be removed.

Imagine how much more quickly a round of golf could be played if the flagstick stayed in the hole. And, yes, the ball will still find its way in there: One study concluded that players should elect to keep the flagstick in the hole whenever the rules allow. So…

A better idea: No player, caddie or other person may move the flagstick, ever.

STUPID GOLF RULE 28: BALL UNPLAYABLE

This rule has some great options for the player who realizes she does not have the skills to extricate her ball from its position. One of them, replaying the original shot, is impractical for everyday recreational golf because it requires holding up everyone behind you. The other two allow for dropping within two club lengths, or anywhere behind, keeping the point of the unplayable lie on a line with the hole.

There’s one big exception: If you are in one of those big, horrible, high-lipped bunkers that high-handicappers know they are unlikely to escape before suppertime, if you choose to drop, you must keep the ball in the bunker. So here you’ve chosen to take a penalty stroke for an unplayable lie, and you can’t even get out of the unplayable lie.

A better idea: Eliminate that exception for bunkers. One-stroke penalty and take a drop behind it.

It’s a groundhog, silly! (Photo by Pixabay)

STUPID GOLF RULE 13: BALL PLAYED AS IT LIES combined with STUPID GOLF RULE 25: ABNORMAL GROUND CONDITIONS, EMBEDDED BALL AND WRONG PUTTING GREEN

“Play it as it lies” is one of the tenets of the game, of course. In golf, you don’t touch your ball until it is on the putting green.

There are exceptions in Rule 25, and one of them is abnormal ground conditions. These include ground under repair, but they do not include those annoying little sand-filled or replaced divots. Now, really, the game is hard enough without forcing a player who has hit a perfectly good shot onto the fairway to hit her next shot out of a man- or woman-made hole in that fairway.

Another exception is burrowing animal holes. The definitions in the Rules of Golf (a section in the front of the book we highly recommend to newbies) describe a burrowing animal as an “animal (other than a worm, insect or the like) that makes a hole for habitation or shelter, such as a rabbit, mole, groundhog, gopher or salamander.” It excludes holes made by “a non-burrowing animal, such as a dog.”

Ever been on a camping trip and marveled at a companion who could tell what kind of animal had been on the trail from its footprints, or better yet, its poop? Is this not a rare skill in the urban landscape? Need golfers learn to analyze dirt holes in order to observe the Rules properly?

A better idea: Include fairway divots in the definition of abnormal ground conditions and permit relief from them. And, make the burrowing animal hole definition vague enough for a city girl who doesn’t know the difference between a gopher and a coyote, permitting free relief from ALL holes.

For a fun way to learn the good and bad Rules of Golf, visit the USGA’s rules hub for videos, quizzes and tutorials. And please, let us know which ones you’d like to change — anything goes!