A portable restroom saves the day for women who love golf. Now we can go anywhere.
Who among us can insist she’s never had the slightest case of penis envy? For us women, a mere pee can require the interminable wait for a ladies room at theater intermission, the indignity of a messy portable potty at the fifth hole. And for women golfers, a trip to Scotland or a public health crisis makes long lines and stinky seats downright appealing when the alternative is, well, nothing!
I’m happy to report that I’ve found and tested a restroom alternative that’s portable, discreet and easy to use. In fact, it reminds me of that time during my first childhood outing in the woods when I tried to pee on a tree (the way my three brothers could), much to my mother’s amusement!
INTRODUCING THE TINKLE BELLE
The Tinkle Belle is an upscale model in a product category known as “female urinary devices.” The devices are generally marketed to women who travel and camp, but I can tell you they’re also useful for women who insist on hydrating during their four-hour, 1,500-calorie exercise on a golf course.
Most golf courses in the United States have a bathroom at the clubhouse and also on the front nine and back nine. However, during the COVID era or in the offseason, a woman would be dismayed to turn the handle of the front nine or back nine restroom and find it locked. (The men, of course, would probably just pee on the wall.)
Our nines generally leave the clubhouse and return, so we can pause before heading out for the second nine. But in places like Scotland, the clubhouse is not to be seen again until the 19th hole, and on-course restrooms tend to be hidden or nonexistent. I coped by not drinking as much water as I should have during my rounds and passing up the wonderful turn shack at Royal Dornoch.
I figured I’d get one of these devices for my next trip overseas, and then COVID happened and many U.S. courses closed their on-course potties. So I went shopping. Many of the devices looked alike — often pink, often coming with wipes. The Tinkle Belle stood out for several reasons: It comes with a pretty case you could just hook onto your golf bag; it’s made of sturdy material that quickly dries; and it has a feature that allows the user to wipe away excess simply by swiping back to front.
DO TRY THIS AT HOME!
Naturally, I had to try it at home before I felt confident enough to use it on the golf course. But, there we were making the turn at a favorite local 18, and the restrooms were locked. Just beside them were some low-hanging trees, so I let the guys go ahead to tee off and I ducked beneath.
The Tinkle Belle slid right into the front of my pants, so I didn’t expose any body parts, and, well, I won’t go into detail other than to say it did what it was supposed to and I felt free to down the rest of my water bottle on the back nine.
Yes, I felt a little weird about it and disinclined to use it openly in front of others. But I didn’t feel as weird as I would have felt trying to hold back Mother Nature for another two hours!
I’d say the Tinkle Belle qualifies as a must-carry in a women’s golf bag, along with corkscrew and birdie juice! And the next time I want a hot brandy at the turn on a chilly day at Royal Dornoch, I’ll order one.